METH

i walk among the planets

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4-letter-words

me: CANT IS A 4-LETTER WORD 
me: so is love but you dont see me bitching 
friend: haha nice, where you get that? 
me: made it up 
me: some girl 
me: is like 
me: hey 
me: CANT IS A 4-LETTER WORD 
me: as her status 
friend: but what's the point of it? 
me: exactly 
me: saying you cannot do something is wrong? 
me: uhhh 
me: I cant fuckin fly 
me: I cant 
me: grow 2 more arms and be a superhero 
me: uhhh 
me: I cant look like shakespeare or jack the ripper on command 
me: I cant deadlift 350 pounds 
me: ... 
me: these are all things I cant do 
me: ... 
me: her husbands name is mark 
me: which I thought was hilarious 
me: M-A-R-K 
me: C-A-N-T 
friend: i love it 
me: four letter words are a KILLER

LOL

me: ima go eat another bowl :P 
me: BEE ARE BEE 
friend: LAWL OHKAY 
me: LOL AHM BACKK 
me: LOL RU THEIR 
me: LOL 
me: LOL AARON 
me: LOL 
friend: LOL WUT R U DOEN 
me: LOL NUTTIN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAAH 
friend: LOL SAME. 
friend: IM BOREEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDD 
me: heh we're very cool people

nickasaur

friend: ever heard of nickasaur? 
me: heh yeah 
me: who's he 
friend: heh he's a kid 
friend: who's a pussy of the world 
friend: he makes brilliant techno music 
friend: but he doesnt wanna be signed 
friend: nor does he want to take his shit into the studio 
friend: and get it done 
friend: he says he'll do a tour 
friend: but he's too pussy to get people to help him 
friend: and he loves God 
friend: wtf. 
me: nickasaur: on 60 seconds

That Quiet Thing Molly Must Be Stupid.

(with respect to others love of dogs)

Every cat knows when you’re going to die. So they don’t waste time right now, knowing you’ll still be there later. Instead, they disappear all day, to times and places, discovering the galaxies and magicians of ancient and far-off, witnessing the exploding planet, the dying sun, seeing pharaohs and dinosaurs and vikings, creating their own worlds that they may watch burn to ash under their eyes, worshiped by a civilization as Gods. And at the end of the day, they come home and meow for food. Wanting to just be pet and held and loved, and holding the same fascination for string that humanity does in equal for flashing lights, gunpowder, and war.

Every bird knows where you’ll die, so they chirp and sing their song to make you stay with them, hoping to prolong your life and cheat the death, known inevitable. All the murders singing and following you to your demise, hang the blue-jays, but may they save you.

There’s only one fish. His name is Gus, and he is the only soul that all fish are. The fish knows how you’ll die, so he sits and does nothing to warn you. If you knew, it’s not like you could change it. Gus doesn’t know where or when you die. All he knows is how, and sees it every time you see his eyes. He thinks you’re better off not knowing.

And every dog knows when, where, and how they will die, but thinks you will live forever. So they take every pet and scratch behind the ears, forgives when you yell or step on their paws. They try to eat dinner with you, every night, no matter how many times you shoo them away or call them stupid. They just want to be a happy memory after they move on, because they think you’ll live forever. And no dog wants to be forgotten.

toms.com

me: looks like a crappy shoe 
friend: your mom's crappy shoe :P 
friend: they're pretty durable 
me: I wear boots that my dad had for like 10 years 
friend: anything lasts long if you don't use them much heh 
me: heh no shit 
me: hence honey being edible after hundreds of years in egyptian tombs 
me: these boots is worn 
me: and durable 
me: they should make shoes out of a human 
me: humans are pretty durable 
me: oh wait, that's called illegal 
me: and murder probably 
friend: heh well if they're already dead and they agree to be put into shoes that'd be awesome hahaha 
friend: "i'm wearing bob!" 
friend: "no way I got a pair of sue's yesterday" 
me: more like 
me: "bob? I just got a pair of TOMS!"

shoes

her: you know what else doesn't make sense? shoes. 
me: shoes make sense. they protect your feet. 
her: my feet don't have enemies.

lazy sunday

Friend: haha i need some food. i ran a mile 
Friend: then played football 
Me: heh me too 
Me: gotta hit the gym 
Friend: im beat 
Me: damn. getting ripped up fucka. jog a mile. tackle fuckers. box out mike tyson and 6 kangaroo zombies. rape a dinosuar. fucked miley cyrus. had a steak laced with vaginas, and drank liquid metal, and you call that A LAZY MOTHERFUCKING MONDAY 
Friend: WAIT TILL YOU GET TO THURSDAY 
Me: AND LAZY SUNDAY. HOLY FUCK 
Friend: hahaha i think that would be considered the best day ever

dinosaurs

me: rawr 
her: means i love you in dinosaur, lol 
me: i guess a lot of dinosaurs love a lot of stuff xD 
her: oh yes, they were the hippies of yestereon

gay computer

me: the curse 'nuts' used to be used innocently. 
me: but thinking about it 
me: it's really just saying balls 
friend: hahaha BALLZ 
me: and that's not family friendly at all. 
friend: n_n 
friend: nuts 
friend: ahh nuts 
friend: heh 
friend: ahh testicles 
friend: dude my computer is being gay 
me: heh you're the one talking about balls

queer

friend: is owlcity gay? 
friend: O_o 
me: doubt it 
me: 90 percent sure he aint 
me: haha 
friend: he sure tweets like a queer